The room is a trap. The boxes stack themselves into a barricade of cardboard and plastic. The paint sits in a frustrating, color-coordinated pattern. The tubes mimic and taunt while the brushes lay angrily without patience. I can't concentrate. I can't think. I can't produce original concepts that are striking in technique. I can't compete with high school graduates who have taken more than a semester of an entry level drawing and painting class. I can't focus on anything. Nothing is important. The rage has been building and in a near-tears panic, the boxes form a circle, encompassing my head. Why do I learn? Why don't I? What happened to my desire to excel? Why does everything I attempt seem so far out of reach and why the hell have I lost all motivation to do absolutely anything? Nothing seems worth while. I don't like it here. Drowning in a sea of doubt and failure, it is impossible to emerge. Failure is staying down. I don't remember what it was like to be above water. I don't remember what it was like to feel success.

The Conveyor Belt

I hate being stuck on the conveyor belt, but I guess I'm scared of jumping off, because that would really be the only way to get off of it. One abrupt leap signifying the end of your traveling along the belt. Then what happens? Failure? Certainly not failure, otherwise you wouldn't have jumped in the first place. Or would you have? Maybe the risk of failure was worth the jump in the first place because the conveyor belt was leading you down an inescapable tunnel and you only had moments to make your decision. Perhaps you were forced off. Despite how one would remove themselves from the belt, there is still the question of what happens next? At first, you can't step into anything overly ambitious.

He's there in case I wandered off.
He's scared cause I warned
He's scared cause I want it all
He's scared cause I won.

I want to be consistently productive. I want to be innovative. I want to force a mirror in front of society and dismantle the conveyor belt. I want my art to be sought after and admired. I want my art to be that mirror. I want to explore beyond the boundaries of beyond the boundaries. I want to be somebody, do something, go somewhere and change everything. And yet, I am stuck on the conveyor belt.. going forward towards the tunnel and I don't know what will happen if I jump.

Where are we?

Point to yourself.

Where is your finger aimed? You chest? Perhaps your head?
Are you either of those things? Are you your chest or head?
No, those are parts of you. But where are you?

You are thoughts inside of your mind. Your body is not you, but merely an appearance representing you as in fact, your body exists. All people are essentially thoughts. Do not become angry or fearful of people so much as the ideas they are projecting. Most ideas have been thought before, so why are we important?
We are important in decreasing the amount of suffering each other experiences. Our entire lives, we suffer. From the moment we are born, we are crying and throughout our lives we will again feel sadness or pain or discontentment. To be alive is to suffer.
Though to be alive is not only to suffer, but to rejoice; to feel pleasure and enjoyment. All things are temporary yet we seek pleasure and happiness from these temporary things. Happiness is to feel pleasure, contentment or joy. True happiness can be found not in material possessions or wealth or power, but in love.   Love is a profoundly tender or passionate affection. Love for another person is true when you do not care whether or not they make you happy, including by being in love with you. Love for another person is when you want them to be happy and are willing to help them achieve such contentment despite your own. Love is wanting for all people to be happy and wanting all thoughts to be content.

Are you satisfied?
Do you want anything? Have you any desires? Most likely, you will. But this can be overcome. Once you experience pleasure and happiness in an instance, you will desire to feel that way again. But you must remember, everything is impermanent. Do not become attached to people or things.
And this is where I stop you.
Do not become attached to people or things? Is attachment what causes suffering? When you like something or another person and suddenly, you can not have this thing or person any longer, you suffer. You desire for that feeling of happiness and contentment to continue. Would you not be lonely and saddened to release yourself from attachment? I suppose you must in the end, live for others, not just for one other and not just for yourself, but for all. That is when you become truly happy, but very few people will experience this.