maslow and squirrels

At the top of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, is self-actualization and I've been told that a good amount of people will never meet this phase in their lifetime. I'm becoming more and more convinced. Physiological needs are not even being met by entire countries of people. It is a disgrace that we allow this to happen and it is a shame that so many people will not reach of lack of prejudice, acceptance of facts, morality, etc. It is a struggle to go from reaping the benefits of bliss from shared experience, emotion and reliability, to once again finding happiness in serving others for the greater good. Not to say that these can not overlap, but ... fuck, I don't know. It's odd. I wonder if it's impossible for my thoughts to not be completely my own. That maybe they, like the experience, emotion and reliability, are shared. And if not, I would think that that is rather shallow thought. Or perhaps it is avoided out of fear. But I think it's best to confront these thoughts so that they won't be prolonged. I don't like to think that this will last and then there was impermanence in the first place. It was always something to be feared, something that draws them closer as if a tighter grip might form a force field around the two. And now there are the ramblings of  hateful, old... squirrels. I intentionally write these entries in a cryptic manner because I suppose it's not my nature to be direct. I find it somewhat pompous. Which is also, why these entries are tucked away in a blog, of course it's an accessible one, because I do like to be heard if someone is committed to pondering my cryptic writing to understand what I'm referring to so often. Everything is so complex and there are so many reactions to actions and suppressed thoughts and repressed memories. Now, that I can guide my eyes over the words once spoken, I realize that it was truly mundane. It felt euphoric, but it was incredibly boring. It was painful to watch a cycle of booms and collapses and uninterested banter to keep the flow steady before trailing off in pleasure. It's always a learning experience, but I just want to commit to something that is consistent and stable. I don't want to reevaluate everything and analyze everything and tear everything apart in my head until it's meaningless. I just want to sleep for days, though I wish I didn't. I don't mean to sound the way that I do, but... fuck, I don't know. I'm quite happy actually, I just wish I knew it.