The Writings of an Insomniac

So it's almost 5am and I can't sleep, so here I shall rant about all the things that keep me up on a night such as this one. First of all, I am sick of males opening doors for me because they think they have to. I'm tired of guys offering to pay for my shit but they don't even think to offer to pay for their other friend who happens to be a guy. I'm sick of getting texts at odd hours of the night from random ass 20 year old guys who are obviously desperate to get fucked and assume that high school girls are interested in getting an STD before they graduate. I'm tired of going to concerts and being the only girl at the show who doesn't fucking work at the club. I'm tired of not having females friends who have decent taste in music. I'm tired of guys saying that of course I play bass because a girl is a lot less likely to succeed at playing electric guitar in a band. I'm tired of guys that I'm friends with who have girlfriends, thinking that they can get somewhere that is completely off-limits. I'm sick of guys randomly asking me to "hook up" at 1am when I've only ever said two words to them in my entire life. AND I AM FUCKING TIRED OF NOT BEING ABLE TO SLEEP AT 5AM.
I hate that I suck at creating art. I hate that I suck at writing poetry. I hate that I suck at making music. I hate that I suck at everything I try to do because no matter how good I am at something, I'm always going to compare myself to someone else who has been doing that something their entire life, then I end up feeling like a failure and wanting to just give up. I'm scared of becoming an adult. I'm scared that I'll pick a major and spend 4 years in college and thousands of dollars just to figure out that I suck at everything and there's no point in me going to college because I couldn't possibly get a job much less a successful career and I'll end up homeless and living out of a cardboard box. Or that I'll decide to screw college altogether, hitchhike to san fran and live in a squat house then one day realize I completely hate that lifestyle and now I've wasted all that time and can't find a new one. I'm scared that I'll never be able to settle down because I'll never be satisfied or that I'll settle down without thinking things through first and then have committed to a life with a husband that I hate and a bunch of kids that I secretly want to murder. Yeah that's it. And I'm still not tired.